Dating Singles Over 50

So, I’ve been receiving emails lately with the nefarious subject line of “Dating Singles Over 50” in its content.

I am always curious and somewhat paranoid about Internet cookies and tracking and such, and often wonder how exactly someone has targeted me as a specific audience for a particular product, site, contest, etc.

I do understand that my email address is likely on some Master List somewhere, and all the hounds of the universe have access to it.  Thus, I am chosen by Makin$fromHomeGuy52392 as the perfect recipient for instructions on how to eNlarG my pENiIs… however, some of these emails just go too far.

This ‘Singles Over 50’ thing really sticks in my craw (there‘s a modern and young person thing to say, Catherine).  Ditto that for emails about AARP.  Sure, I may be single, but I am not 50, nor am I interested in someone over the age of 50, and, if I were over 50, I certainly wouldn‘t be admitting to it and clicking the email.  Not for a very, very, very long time, at least.  I’m barely able to admit to being over 40.

I once tried a famous on-line ‘relationship’ site (not really a dating site, I guess?),  and among my first set of “here’s what we found for you based on 1377 points of matching criteria!” matches was a man who was somewhere well over 50, looked like a Grandpa, and had a cane.  I remember scanning the profile photo and talking to myself, because the photo was one taken at a wedding;  it included a bride, a groom, and the cane man.

“Well, it can’t be a profile for the groom-- who the hell would post his wedding picture on a dating site?  Can it be the grandpa guy?  Tell me it’s not the grandpa guy!  Oh my god, my perfect match is a grandpa!  I’m so old!!!”

The Ladies' Room, Emergency Situations, and What to Do About Them

Hmmm.  I'm starting to sound slightly obsessed about bathroom stuff, aren't I?  I know I said I would wait a week or two before posting on this.  I lied.

Sooo, the Ladies' Room.  Yah.  I have a thing about that, too.

I have told only the people very close to me (and now, I'm sharing with you.,,.don't you feel blessed?) that, I would rather run to my car and poo my pants than be forced to have an 'emergency' situation in a public (particularly a work-related) Ladies' Room.  (catchy opening, eh?)

I am gently referring to these as 'emergency' situations, because there is absolutely no reason, whatsoever, that anyone should be taking a leisurely poop in a public/work related restroom.  None.

The thing is, no matter how much you try to convince yourself that no one cares if you have an 'emergency' situation in the bathroom, it is universally untrue, and we all know it.  I'm sure that any number of you can recall whispered conversations about what the hell was going on with Mary who was in there for 20 minutes after lunchtime and left a cloud of green gases hovering in the air for much of the day after her departure.  Or the time you saw what suspiciously looked like your coworker Dan with his pants down and a newspaper and cup of coffee on the floor in his stall.  Or the time you could swear it was Carla's shoes you could see in the handicapped stall (preferred location of all 'emergency situations'... I guess people like to spread out and make it into a little vacation in there) when the toilet flushed approximately 4 times while you were in there doing specifically and emphatically non-emergency things.