I'm not sure in which direction I'll be heading with this post, but, since I spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen, I figured I'd share some thoughts with you on some of the various accessories that are hanging around in there.
One very useless accessory, which I've just admitted to myself today, is the drain strainer thingie in the sink. I noted today that it is never actually in the drain, it's usually sitting on the counter top. And why is that? Because the bugger barely works! You would think that, with the whole man on the moon thing, we'd be able to come up with a better drain strainer. Perhaps I just always happen to have non functioning ones.
First of all, if you place it directly into the drain, you know, fitting it properly, most times, it blocks the water from draining, and causes your sink to fill. Even if you twist the stopper thing and recite magic incantations, it will always (eventually) block the water from draining. The solution to this is to have the strainer sitting askew within the drain confines, to allow the water to drain AND allow for some random food items to be strained. Notice I said "some" random food items.
Why is it just some and not all food items? Because when the damned drain strainer is sitting askew in your drain, some tricksy food particles manage to get past and underneath the strainer. Something that I find fairly amusing (translation: annoying) is that, while the main purpose of the drain strainer is to prevent large food particle clogs in the pipes, the secondary purpose is to catch food items so that I don't have to fish them out of the bottom of the sink with my bare hands. It says that right on the package. "Used to Prevent Large Clogs AND to Prevent Catherine from Having to Stick her Hands in Disgusting Dish Water!"
What is further amusing is, when the strainer fully stops up the drain because it has been knocked into it's correct positioning, you have to stick your hand into gross food and grease laden water, so that you can pull the strainer... and then... you further try to coax the food laden water into the strainer, by swishing the water towards it, trying to get it into the strainer and not speeding underneath because of the paranormal suction force your pipe uses once it is freed from the evil drainer thingie. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like we have to produce quite a bit of labor due to this one useless piece of kitchen equipment.
But enough about that. I'm coming up with some multi-million dollar idea for replacing these crappy things, and you all can feel satisfied that you were a part of the process!
Another item I'd like to discuss is the cutting board. Now, I have a thing for cutting boards. Whenever I'm in a home goods store, I am immediately attracted to them. There are so many different kinds, shapes, sizes, colors, it's all so titillating! I literally have to prevent myself from buying a new cutting board whenever I see one. Generally, you don't need more than two. For some women, it's shoes. For me, it's cutting boards.
Interestingly, I am a little conflicted about them, when it comes right down to it. The great thing is, when you pair that sexy cutting board with an even sexier sharp knife, it makes you feel like the Master of the Cooking Universe. I ultimately learned the benefit and necessity of having good, sharp knives in the kitchen just this year, and I am amazed at the difference it can make. But that's a joy to discuss some other time.
There is a problem with cutting boards, though, and that is, the matter of chicken. Yes, chicken. I have a huge, paranoid, fear that every chicken entering my home is laden with salmonella and bacterium. And even though I have a very fine cutting board which supposedly repels bad things, and I wash it thoroughly, multiple times, I still worry about the chicken plague. Because of chicken, one needs to have two cutting boards. You can't cut fresh fruit or vegetables on a board that is teeming with chicken bacteria from three weeks ago. Noo, no. I suppose if I gave in to my obsession, I would have at least five cutting boards in my home, but I realize I have got to draw the line, chicken plague or not.
Anyway, I had better end this now or you'll be hearing my dissertation on sponge mops. Which I'm sure would fascinate you thoroughly. Sorry, but you'll just have to wait for that one. I'm off to go invent the perfect drain strainer thingie.
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