So, I figured I should write something on this topic, seeing as how I have been in the state of unemployment for many months now, and have become somewhat of an expert on the subject.
Over the years, I had often wondered what it was like to be unemployed or laid off. While it is generally something that most people would not wish for, I considered that perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad thing. For one thing, you aren't working, and yet, you are still receiving some financial restitution. For another, you can take your time in looking for a new career, without having to worry about setting up secret interviews during a lunchbreak or coming in to work suspiciously overdressed. If you could figure out how not to starve until you found another job, how bad could it be?
Well, for me, it has not exactly been the adventure I had imagined. Apart from the initial excitement and confusion of waking up without an alarm clock and sleeping in until forever, it can become a rather boring situation. And depressing.
It's sad, but, when you are working and Motherng full time, you fantasize about what you would do if you just had the time to do all the things that should or could be done. You could sift through 33 years of photos and organize them into an album. You could organize your sock drawer. You could catch up on your laundry. You could go to the gym when it's not packed. You could go grocery shopping and avoid the lines at the end of a hellish work day. You could take your time to prepare scrumptious meals without the creative use of hotdogs and ramen noodles. You could start a blog. Oh, and you could search for the Ultimately Perfect Job Ever.
I have discovered that I seem to be one of those types who needs a more confined schedule in order to really get things done. Who gives a crap about a sock drawer when it can be organized tomorrow? Or the day after? Or the month after? While there are better men than I who would have a sparkling clean house and alphabetized sock drawers, I sit here, months later, with many tasks yet to be completed. Yes, I have enjoyed (ha, who am I kidding) going to the gym when it is nearly empty and not 5 a.m. with my eyes barely open. I have become rather friendly with the senior citizens and homeless people who wander the supermarket at 1 p.m. on a Tuesday. I have made some rather delicious meals. I have also determined that my laundry, unless I forbid my child to wear clothes, will never, ever be caught up. And the search for the UPJE (Ultimately Perfect Job Ever), well. Yeah. Not so much.
There are many potential side topics here, which will inevitably turn into posts for different days. In this one, I will stick to the things that rather suck about the state of being unemployed.
For one thing, you can be financially strapped if you are the sole breadwinner in the household (even if you're not). For another, you are going to be decimated by the tax system the following year if you have chosen to have every available penny deposited into your bank account rather than having taxes withdrawn. You also have to pay for your own health insurance. And, you are required to maintain an active job search. If you fail to search adequately for a potential job, they will hunt you down and have you thrown in jail.
I am exaggerating, of course, but the job search portion of this unemployment business has been less than invigorating. I am here to tell you that the UPJE has no current openings, and if it did, they wouldn't condescend to contact you or even allow that you exist on this planet. If you are fortunate enough to even know what your UPJE is (I don't)(which will be another post), all I can say is "well done, you, keep your chin up, and here is the address for the local liquor store."
Every week you will be "forced" to apply to jobs for which you are qualified, or suffer jail time. Apart from the fact that every application has you answering 432 questions even if there is the option to copy/paste your resume which you have spent hours updating, there is also the fact that 99% of the companies will rarely even confirm having received your application. And you can't call them, either. Well, you can, but good luck tracking down someone who actually knows the secret location of the one condemned employee sitting in a basement somewhere who is actually reviewing on line applications. Hint: he doesn't actually exist.
So, you spend hours of your time applying to jobs you suspect you will hate, you are found yet unworthy, and you desperately pray for holy guidance in finding the elusive perfect job that would satisfy all your hopes and dreams. I did mention that unemployment can be depressing, yes?
Add this to doing tons of soul searching and embarrassed explanations of why you are still unemployed and being further embarrassed that you have no real "plan" and having a horribly disorganized sock drawer, and you have the makings of a potential lunatic on your hands. A bored, slightly depressed, mildly distressed potential lunatic, who probably also has a really bad sleep schedule and doesn't actually go to the gym all that often.
Alas, unemployment has not been the joy I had hoped it to be. It stops being fun after about a month. Having said that, I should stop here and do the dishes, and the laundry, and clean out my closet, and keep searching for the Holy Grail of jobs. Perhaps today I'll even get to my sock drawer. Place your bets, folks, place your bets.
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