Okay, so I've gone into the whole "we need to recognize that we're beautiful, flaws and all" thing, and now I'm going to talk about how, as lovely as that sounds, we all still want to look like something or someone else, or at least, a different version of ourselves.
I'm going to skip the chat on cosmetic surgery, since that is not an option available to most of us non "housewives" (ha) depicted on "reality" television. But, I will briefly discuss lip injections, because they're more readily available, and I just don't get the whole obsession, to begin with. For one thing, they don't look good or even close to normal. Not only that, but they are really just a big, swollen finger, pointing to the fact that your lips aren't really naturally plump, and that you're trying to disguise the fact. So what, your lips aren't like Angelina's. Your lip balm will last longer. Get over it.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, let's talk a little about "natural" beauty, and the Men who say that they prefer this look. I'm sorry to tell you, Men, but most women actually have to put forth effort to look "natural." What you consider natural is probably the after effects of tinted moisturizer, some blush and a little mascara snuck in, and maybe a tinted lip balm. Not to mention hours of plucking, waxing, and shaving that were invested prior. I assure you, you don't want to see the real natural beauty most of us are sporting.
And, now that I've mentioned it, let's also talk about how women must be entirely hairless these days, apart from the glorious stuff on their heads. Oh, it's just not armpits and legs any more, my friends. Everything must go. We better hope there isn't another Ice Age, because women of the future will have evolutionally lost all of their body hair follicles by then. Also, I'd just like to say that depilatory creams, regardless of what their advertisers claim, never smell "lavendar fresh." It's a lie.
So, what else do we do? How about hair straightening? I started doing this a year or two ago, for the "fun" of trying a different look. I currently own three flat irons, one of which is not even out of the package. The first one gave me frightening results resembling Annie after electroshock therapy. The second I must have purchased, thinking it would be better, and I'm pretty sure it was the same product. The third was the miracle Chi, purchased for a mere $100 some odd dollars. Oh, it works great, to be sure, but I do cringe when I see smoke and steam rising from my hair, accompanied by that sizzling sound that happens when I use a spray for "protection" and "moisturizing." There's no way that smoke and sizzling can be good for your hair.
Let's move on to articles of clothing. Bras kind of suck. Sure, they're pretty and all (well, some are), and I guess perform their required jobs, but at the end of the day, no amount of padding or lycra can prevent them from feeling like constricting ropes tied around your chestal area. Unfortunately, we're kind of stuck with them.
Stockings (the kind that go all the way up to your waist) aren't much fun, either. Men will never know the amount of sweat and contortionism required for getting into a pair of "support" stockings. It may sound like a slightly sexy ordeal, but, I assure you, it's not.
High heels may not be the most comfortable things, but I think they're great, I don't mind suffering for them, and they're a much better alternative to walking around barefoot at a formal occasion (like a wedding). I'm not sure why women do this (remove their shoes at the reception), but, it looks bad. And they're showing their %(@#$@)^ feet, for Pete's sake. Why??!! They spend all this money on hair, makeup, dress, undergarments (and shoes), and two hours later they're running around with their naked feet slapping the dancefloor. Some prolonged suffering for beauty is necessary, ladies. Think of the children.
To all of this, add in the hair dying, finger and toe nail painting, upper arm exercises required for wearing of sleeveless shirts, the fact that we must look like supermodels within one week of delivering a baby, and the millions we spend on age defying body and face creams, and I'd say that we deserve any and all negative titles we are bequeathed by our exes or even current loved ones. "Psycho b-tch," "princess," "high maintenance," "pain in the a$$........" Yep. We have earned those titles, thanks mostly to the Men who have nothing to do but to wake up the morning, look charmingly scruffy, and off they go.
And they have the nerve to complain about ties.
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